Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize