So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
