I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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