May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Your penis caused this!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
