Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
