In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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