Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
