This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
