so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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