someone owes me an orgasm
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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