I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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