I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
