i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
my god I love twenty year old dicks
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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