You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize