He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
