I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We need to rekindle our bromance
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize