So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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