Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
