She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
