my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize