i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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