He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
