Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
