Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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