Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize