put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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