i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
