i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
