That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
