Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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