im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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