Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
