Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
