My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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