I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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