Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
