In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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