Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
