PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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