By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
