We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
