Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
