just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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