Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
