ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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