Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just found a bag of teeth...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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