youre lurking in front of me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
