Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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