god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
