I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
