Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
