okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
