Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
