ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
