She is in my trunk
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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