It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We left the knife in your bed.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
