his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
