I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
