i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
