I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dear god my vagina.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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