id be glad to
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
