It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
