yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize